A Day to Remember to Feel Special

It fast approaches: the day those of us in love cherish and singles dread. You know which you are because you either have diversionary plans or it snuck up on you and you’re so excited about this. Believe it or not, men know the importance of Valentine’s Day: forget it and your woman will make you suffer. We prefer an easy existence. Some of us even relish the opportunity to make our special lady smile, showing her how much she means to us. But I think those of us who haven’t fallen would prefer lower expectations for the day. One of my favorite scenes from “Sex and the City” poses the question, “Is it just me or is Valentine’s Day on steroids this year?” Inevitably, the times I’m not in love with someone makes me remember better times. Anytime that happens, IT happens. You never forget your first. Mine was my high school and college sweetheart, a Dominican Cancer, and we were each other’s firsts. We were best of friends throughout high school until she falsely accused me of secretly liking her after junior prom. We didn’t speak all summer, I ignored her into January, then I severed ligaments in my hand and my athletic career never recovered. She was there on one condition: friends no more, we had to date. Our anniversary was 2 days after V-Day. Thanks cupid. The best gift I ever received was from her: a handmade card full of clippings, sayings, photos – everything that we shared. She even decorated the back of the card. Never underestimate the importance of this! Years later, it crushed me when I broke things off and broke her heart, but we wanted different things in life and I’m 100% sure I made the right decision. Today, she has her family close by, 2 kids, a husband and I love where my life is heading. Then I remember the bad. The Nigerian Scorpio ex destroyed my heart for many women who followed. I was unemployed after grad school yet flew to visit her in DC where she was studying and working. I even scraped together money to buy the only flowers left to surprise her when she got home. We agreed to cook a meal together but bickered the whole night. After all, the relationship only made sense in the bedroom. That last year with her, I was swamped with work deadlines. I couldn’t step away until late night and told her I’d make it up to her. I made a dinner reservation for the weekend, when we could actually get one, full massage, hour long foreplay (read cunnilingus), multiple g-spot orgasms, whatever she wanted. Despite it all, she wouldn’t let me forget the Wendy’s we ate on V-Day before I returned to work. Our relationship worked because we shared one thing in common: I loved her as much as she loved herself. Now I don’t, but she still calls. Last year I arranged the first expectation free hangout with the Jamaican who I met through a friend. Our plan was art gallery. Our date continued art museum, first kiss on the roof during sunset, and dinner at her house. I picked up Italian white (Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio, always popular) and Australian red (Penfolds Shiraz-Cabernet, trust me, a great bottle) wines, a movie, and opted to make her lemon pepper mahi mahi, ginger soy salmon, spinach and kale, and rice pilaf. It closed with the movie in what I later dubbed her boom boom room. I do appreciate how older women know exactly what they want. This year is simple. There’s only one person in my heart, even if it’s not reciprocated. I’ve never been one to get over love easily or quickly for that matter. Last time I fell like this (DC Libra 3 years ago), it took me 10 months to finally move my heart along. My idea goes: nice floral arrangement with a simple statement “porque mereces sentirte especial”, no signature, and no call. Some men need to be reminded there are other flowers besides roses, but not me. I will deny it all because it’s not about me. It’s the hope she lets herself feel special, if even for an instant. I have learned the simplest gestures are the most genuine. The times I didn’t try hard but felt strongly, things came naturally and everything went well. V-Day is an amplification of every other day. When you love and cherish someone every day, it’s not hard to make your lover feel special because it’s just another special day. But for many it’s a jacked up commercialized holiday reminding us what we once had, lost, never had, or what might have been. So let’s lower the expectations and everyone can feel special. Happy Valentine’s Day, to you. *Originally posted on Lovemionline.com on February 8, 2010. http://www.lovemionline.com/index.php/RuMANating-Intercourse/valentines-day-blues.html