Why I Hate Dating

Are you single? It’s the most loaded question anyone can ask. If you say yes, they immediately try to determine if you are a viable partner for themselves, their friends, their friends’ friends, their coworkers, the family pet, even their childhood acquaintances they don’t like anymore but keep in touch with on social media. It’s like being single is a disease and a relationship is the cure. The ugly treatment few enjoy but we all seem to tolerate is dating. No one likes dating. Far too often it’s cold, contrived, and utterly forced. It’s like when your mom called you with her cancer diagnosis in February 2007 and she spent the entire time trying to explain to you what the doctor told her about the stages of breast cancer, what the results of her tests indicated about the growth of the cancer, and what her treatment options would be. Meet, exchange info, email or text, talk on the phone or not, wait 3 days or don’t, careful choice of first date venue, to pay or go Dutch, to kiss or not, what if sex is on the table, who else are they dating, how many dates before you’re dating exclusively, do they want a relationship, am I coming on too strong, they don’t seem to like me enough. It’s all pomp and circumstance and doesn’t get to the heart of the matter: what we want in a partner and if this person meets the criteria and we meet theirs. Do we really need to date to figure that out? Couldn’t we just have a few honest, candid conversations and form a trial friendship? After all, genuine friendship IS the basis of all healthy relationships. Still you find the occasional person who says they actually do enjoy dating. What they’re really saying is they enjoy casually meeting new people and are attractive enough that others approach them regularly or respond when they initiate contact. They like the back and forth, the thrill of the pursuit, to catch and release, they like playing the dating games because they are good at it. More likely than not, they’re not paying for all these dates or have enough money that they can afford it. We date and court to determine if the other person is who they say they are and prove to the other person that we are who we say we are while ascertaining if the two of you will make a good partnership. Do you like me? Are we compatible? Can you see yourself with me for the rest of our lives? I don’t know. How did we meet? Online: I saw a few handpicked photos online showing what you consider to be your charismatic qualities along with some witty words meant to portray yourself as interesting and worth getting to know. Truthfully, I know absolutely nothing about you but I’m tired of being alone and surmised online dating could be safe enough because it worked for. Plus, there’s no harm in dating virtually so long as my current partner doesn’t know I still have my account active. Randomly in public: I bumped into you at so and so while I was doing such and such and we ended up talking about this and that and you seemed normal enough so we exchanged contact info. In reality, I know nothing about you but you seemed nice just like all neighbors of multiple murderers say they seemed normal enough. At least I wasn’t online sorting through thousands of profile pictures while alone and borderline desperate. Bar: I had enough alcohol to summon enough liquid courage to approach you and try talking to you because I found you attractive enough in my impaired state and you responded in kind in your possibly equally impaired state and we eventually find something we have in common, we don’t want to be alone tonight. We know absolutely nothing about each other but like having fun and numbing our minds and feelings so at least we have that in common and can figure out the rest as we go. It’s all copacetic, just like my check liver light. Club: I like to listen to music and dance, which we both have in common, and you were probably there with your friends while I was there with my friends so we should be friends. Somehow our groups ended up interacting, we danced together, and we decided to keep the dance going because we both secretly equate dancing with sex and are horny. We want to keep the good times rolling and fully express more “dancing” with each other so long as the other is not a stalker or serial killer or has a sexually transmitted infection. Through a friend: My friend invited me to their friend’s social gathering and your friend got invited by their friend’s friend and they asked to bring you. Because your friend’s friend’s friend knows my friend’s friend you’re probably not a bad person or my friend’s friend’s friend would tell my friend’s friend who would tell my friend who would tell me because they’re a good friend. We seemed to hit it off and probably have similar values and both value friendship. Through 6 degrees of separation we’re practically friends anyways. Small world, eh? Through an activity: We share this activity in common and see each other regularly. We’re friendly and talk and enjoy each other’s company more and more. We have gotten to know each other better and have decided to hang out, just the two of us, in a different venue. It’s our first date but it doesn’t feel like a date because we’re already sort of friends. It just feels so organic, so natural. Do you know what I mean? I rest my case.