Venus vs Mars

Opposites attract. That’s why it makes sense that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. What about those who putt from the rough and play for the same team? Well, everyone knows science, politics, and religion have yet to draft the legislation necessary to eliminate illegal immigration. Truthfully, I’m all for civil rights and respecting personal choices, but that doesn’t escape the fact that Venus and Mars collide here on Earth. Some call it sex, dating, relationships, and love, but really there is a thin line between love and hate. So despite having a plethora of great female friends, I echo the sentiments of most men in saying that I hate (most) women. More than a few women have told me how they don’t want to “just have fun” but then don’t want a serious commitment either. They don’t want a man who only wants to sleep with them but then don’t want a man who’s trying to wife them up right away either. They want a man who respects their independence and freedom but is still willing to take care of them. Of course he has to have his shit together even if she doesn’t. He must know when to be secure and when to get jealous, when to listen and when to tell her to shut up, and above all else how to be a man who acts with maturity. Men simply see this double speak as a fickle ass female not knowing what the hell she wants. I see women accuse men of overcomplicating things and not understanding how it’s the little things that speak louder than words. Rewind a paragraph and it’s pretty clear men’s perspective is much simpler than women’s words. But men do see the little things women do and how their words don’t align with their actions, sending mixed messages and signals. I dated a female who said she wanted a great man and a great relationship, but then went around flirting with everyone, accepting any male attention that came her way. So men are forever complaining that women can’t clearly communicate or express what they want so mustn’t know. Women say they want a nice guy, but their actions are more accepting of assholes. Rather than get hurt, it is easier to put in less and get less from a predictable asshole even if it’s not really worthwhile in the end. Since assholes get more attention, men come to believe it’s better to be an asshole than to be nice because women prefer the bad boys and pay more attention to them anyways. Just as it hurts women to fall in love and have their heart broken, it frustrates men to be good and never have a woman appreciate them for doing good, instead paying mind to the bad ones. In my experiences, each time I acted good and put a woman first, I ended up with a woman who was acting bad, taking advantage of my nice and not appreciating how far I was willing to go to try and make her happy. But every time I acted bad and didn’t even want anything more with her, she was pushing for more involvement from me. So I have found it is possible for a man to give a woman what she wants and do all the little things. He can start by not giving a shit about her at all. If he hasn’t invested emotionally in this woman then he’s not interested in trying to make her happy over the long haul. Therefore, he can focus on creating discrete moments of temporary joy, the little things, because eventually her time will be up and then it’s on to the next one. He’s doesn’t put her first like all men are told to do with a great woman because he doesn’t care enough. So it’s easy to walk away in an instant and not look back. In reality, men want much more from a girlfriend, a potential wife, than a pretty face and a wet vagina, but if she acts out of line playing games in order to get us to invest more without equal returns, we can accept her as nothing more than a pretty face and smelly vagina. So men either fall and become nice guys or don’t and become assholes. When men fall, we fall hard and fast willing to do anything to make our woman happy. But women need more time to fall and get over their baggage from past relationship failures. Nice guys finish last so they have to atone for the assholes. So when we do try, it’s often seen as putting in “too much too soon”. Besides women really don’t seem to value any one man more than the next, often taking what they have for granted so it seems to be all about her and getting what other women have that she doesn’t. So a man is left trying to discern if he’s her plan A or plan B because good single uninvolved women just don’t seem to exist. I guess it’s no wonder then that married men and men with girlfriends have such success with single women. They don’t care enough to invest in making her happy so they’re better prepared to provide her those little moments of joy she seems to ultimately want. I don’t hate Venusians, but as a Martian I am tired of hearing women drone on about how they hate men. Trust me, the feelings are mutual for men, which is why we can drop a woman so coldly. It’s annoying to hear women argue how a woman can do anything a man can do but better, including lying and cheating. Men don’t argue back because we don’t have to overcompensate for an inferiority complex since it’s a man’s world. If women were truly better, then why do women hate other women so much? In truth, men and women do the same damage to each other. We’re equal in our capacity to do great and bad to ourselves and others. We all make gender generalities based upon our past failures; even I’m a huge culprit of this. We then try to find the exceptions, the diamond in the rough. Instead of looking for exceptions why don't we stop making generalities? It’s easier to cope with our dating failures by rationalizing blame onto everyone else, rather than admitting that what we think we know is wrong and accept blame ourselves. After all, the one commonality in all of your dating failures is you. All of our experiences shape us into who we become, but single people seem to get caught up in the game and can lose sight of what is truly important, or why they’re playing in the first place. Single people are single for a reason. Single men and women seem to dread losing their freedom and independence. Women want to be independent and free to make their own choices whereas men don’t want some woman trying to control their lives and tell them what to do. Both seem to think the right person will come along, making you want to forfeit your freedom and independence and build something special. But a great relationship shouldn’t require you to give up your independence or freedom because you should be able to be honest and trust one another. Sure if your freedom entails flirting with everyone who shows attention, hanging out with old flames, entertaining the idea of something more with “friends”, and fucking everyone you want then keep embracing the party and perpetual experience of meeting someone new because eventually it will get old and you will want more than a casual sex toy partner. The one I keep hearing more and more from those fed up with dating is how “I’m doing me”. It’s great that people are taking control of their lives and doing what they want to do, but what exactly were they doing before? I’m not so certain they were giving freely and selflessly of themselves, putting their partner first, since most were already single. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say “I’m taking a break” and stay single and uninvolved? But they don’t want to be single and are just lying to others and especially themselves. It’s a cop out for self-centered behavior and they’re going to do whatever they want without consideration for anyone’s feelings but their own. They don’t want to apologize if they treat someone like shit. Truthfully, we all want that soul mate who’s going to do it all for us. As we get older we learn to accept it’s crazy to think one person can be everything to us and impossible for any one person to do it all from the start. Relationships exist as proof you need to learn how to do all the right things for that person over time by getting to know and understand each other. Besides, it’s a relationship not rocket science. When it clicks, it works, and while there's no need to over-think things, it does take effort and work. But in the beginning, it’s as simple as I like you, this is me, who are you, does it match, are we keen, let's try. When it does happen, why does putting in too much effort too early seem to drive people away? It’s not always desperation because some people do know what they want. I can understand if someone wants to ensure their potential partner has a life and won’t cling 24/7, but it all comes across as games. Often, I think it’s necessary to take things slow because people have not overcome their past hurts, so going slow helps them deal better with their baggage. The problem with one side complaining “too much too soon” is usually because there is a communication gap and both people are not on the same page in terms of what they want and can do in a relationship. Often we think we know what our partner is saying and what they mean, but often we hear and interpret things different from what was intended because sometimes we don’t listen or understand everything that is communicated. Besides, we need to keep in mind that despite our agenda of what we want, what we expect, and what we need for a healthy relationship, there is another person involved with their very own agenda that needs to be taken into consideration with ours. Men and women communicate in different manners so much gets lost in translation. It’s as much what’s verbalized as what’s not. So to create a great relationship between Venus AND Mars, you first have to understand why it’s Venus VERSUS Mars in the first place and it all starts with bridging the fundamental difference in the way men and women communicate.