The Night I Met Sujeiry

Once upon a time I had morals, values, and was a picky SOB who refused to settle for anything less than what I wanted. The dating world has taught me different. One summer night, my best friend, who happens to be the life of any party, was having his nearly 30th birthday party in NYC. I booked a hotel nearby to get the festivities started early. Of course I invited the 20-something Colombiana Sagittarian I had started messing around with a few weeks prior. Only problem is the prior weekend I had hosted a BBQ with my best friend, the Colombiana, and the nearly 40 year old Jamaican I had been with all spring and would still kick it with from time to time. Of course it's my fault for inviting my current and past to the same BBQ, but they both separately talked of wanting to do a 3some with me so I figured I'd do the dumb thing and try and force it. I knew I didn't care so I even went ahead and told them about each other. Well it was a bit awkward when they caught hurt feelings, naturally, and then my friend brazenly invited the Jamaican down to his party. She of course invited herself to stay in the room with the Colombiana and me, not at all to the preference of the Colombiana. Damn those controlling Aries. After a week of insisting another room be booked, an awkward drive to NYC with both ensued, and a dinner fight followed. This of course all set up the bar scene. While on a holiday in Puerto Rico, I had mistakenly drunk dialed and invited an old fling from upstate who kept insisting I look her up in the city now that she was single again. Top it all off and there was a Haitian virgin coming late who went to the same college as me, and with whom I had been casually flirting from a distance. Thankfully, I was sure to tell the Haitian when she arrived that I was "all over the place" and it would be best if we stayed friends. The thing I must stress about all of this is that in my mental mindset I simply did not care about any of them or myself for that matter. When you get hurt enough and become jaded, you get to a point where you find it better not to care and just do without thinking. So a few hours of drinking in, we trek to the bar party with the Colombiana, Jamaican, and a dozen others in tow. Meanwhile, the old fling has been blowing up my phone asking for directions and arrival time. We arrive and I begin what ends up being my complete and total ignoring of the Colombiana for the entire night and the Jamaican for the hour she was there before leaving to enjoy other NYC nightlife. An hour in, I remember the old fling was waiting outside and, to my surprise, she was still there, waiting. 2 years prior, I had broken things off with her real quick cause I noticed signs of an addictive personality and the word "clingy" may have been under her yearbook accolades. As payback to my best friend and knowing his knack with people, I brushed her off onto him for the night, only talking to her again when she left. She finally got the hint and has left me alone ever since. Mission accomplished on that front. I hung with friends most of the night until “she” walked in. “She” being the young 20-something Dominican, Aries yet again, that I noticed from across the bar and around the corner. Believe it or not, I'm not one of those typical male types who chase skirt and will sleep with anything. But I was instantly fixated on her in a way that's only happened 4 times in more than a decade, 2 of those being my 2 ex-girlfriends of 3 years apiece eons ago, and hadn't happened in almost 3 years. Even liquid courage wouldn't help me approach her because I'd had far too much liquid to have any real courage. So a married Dominican friend pushed me towards my Godsend, complete with her own set of wings ordering Alabama Slammers. That’s when I bumped into Sujeiry. God knows what I said to her to let me write this story for her website, but somehow it happened. Sujeiry has been a Godsend by your very reading this, but alas she was not the “she” in question I was stumbling towards, probably to her benefit and my reputation given my then mental state. Things didn't click at all with Miss Alabama, it didn't help that I was beyond gone off Johnny. But somehow, from my recollection, I was uncharacteristically persistent and annoying, even telling off some bar patron I deemed lesser who was talking to her. Still she gave me her real cell number, definitely helped by her being friends with my best friend’s sister. It didn't click between us until a few months later, by then she admitted having turned single that week of the party after a horrible experience and had already dated another guy in the interim. Those few months we spent together were fast and furious, but utter bliss. I fell for her like I'd never fallen for a woman before, especially in that short an amount of time. From my first time meeting with her, I dropped all my side acts, focused the bulk of my time, and hung on her every word. No 3 day rule, no waiting, no games, no lies, no bullshit. I knew it was not an act or an effort because I connected with her in a way I never connect with almost every other woman I meet. I even remember having that crazy feeling in the car before I left that first weekend, the one of just knowing. Problem is if you're not whole when you fall, then you're likely to fall the wrong way. She had baggage, I had issues, and things fizzled with miscommunication, mistrust, and a singular bad mistake on my part to get exceedingly drunk waiting hours upon hours for her to arrive on NYE when I ended up swapping info with a cute albeit possibly anorexic friend of friend so I could send her travel advice when she visited her unmentioned boyfriend down under. Women’s intuition is too keen to discredit and despite coming as drunkenly clean as was possible, she split within 15 minutes, record time. Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony. Now that everything has played out, the one I cared about most and treated the best doesn't want contact with me. I recently sent apologies to the other two who quickly accepted and requested for me to keep in touch and visit them soon. Requests I'm not interested in honoring. It really amazes me how women seem to involve themselves more readily with men who act like complete assholes, yet reject and deny the men who want to treat them with the utmost respect but don’t always get things right the first time. Karma can be a bitch, but it can also be a great teacher. I'm unabashedly single with my head back on straight and my mind focused on staying uninvolved so I can get my life on track to where I want it to be before I hit the big 30. Whenever I happen to fall again, hopefully I'll have put in the work to be much more whole and fall the right way, with her falling right next to me. *Originally posted on Lovemionline.com on January 25, 2010.

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