I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

We were laying in bed wasting away the day in the most lazy and comfortable possible way. In the midst of our pillow talk I revealed that in all of my long-term relationships my partner and I became each other's best friend. She responded that she would have to be the exception then, to which I retorted, "you're not a girlfriend". She frowned and looked ready to begin a heated courtroom debate but was interrupted at that exact moment by an incoming call from her long distance boyfriend. I looked at her knowingly and smiled as she muttered for me not to say anything and answered her phone. I'm not naive by any stroke, not anymore. Despite having a pretty strong connection, I know she will never leave the safety and security her 8+ years older boyfriend provides. It's a situation I'm willing to accept because well, I'm just a fucked up individual who’s emotionally unavailable right now. Besides, she called me and initiated things, as I need most of my time to myself to focus on other things in my life. Still, I am often asked if I know what I want in terms of a woman. Without a doubt, unequivocally yes. I want a woman that understands me. One I can trust fully, allowing me to lose control and get lost in the moments we share. The kind of experiences you can only describe where time seems to stop and stand still as nothing else matters and all other considerations go out the door. I’m an old soul, which means I want deeper connections. I crave the kind of passion that burns deep within, touching my soul and lighting it on fire. I've never seen the point in casual but I fail miserably at detaching myself fully because, believe it or not, I’ve cared for and loved more than half the girls I’ve been with, but only fallen in love with less than a handful. A little recycling can help one through drier times, but it gets old fast when you know they’re not the one. I prefer to focus on finding something serious in a lasting relationship. So if it’s really just a fair exchange of orgasms between us, no matter how good, then I’m on the lookout for a woman of greater substance who wants and can provide more. The only difference to me between single and in a relationship is partying until dawn with the same woman each time and having it mean that much more. I value companionship and enjoy the interesting things that come from aligning two independent spirits to bridge differences and find common ground. Don’t get me wrong, it takes A LOT to be with me. She has to be very patient or equally as crazy, hopefully both. I do have a laundry list of must haves and cannot stands, but it boils down to what the heart and head can agree on. The result hopefully comes with a lot of chemistry, because I’m a huge romantic, and some adventurous bedroom experimentation, because I am definitely a freak. People don't understand what I mean when I say I don't need a mother, a maid, a cook, a caretaker, a porn star, or a trophy wife; I want a co-pilot. I think a lot of people believe in gender roles: they expect a man and woman to do certain things and behave a certain way. Show me a woman who pushes the lawn mower to cut the grass then downs a beer prior to heading off to her mani/pedi before later dressing to the nines in BCBG and Jimmy Choo that she bought herself. Then I'll show you a man who rides in from his soccer game on his motorcycle with a freshly written poem and a nice wine to complement the dinner he's going to cook before heading out together for a night of drinking, dancing, and conversation about musical expressions of cultural influence from around the world, why corporations and intellectual property laws stifle creative innovation and technological growth, how NASCAR is bigger than the NFL, NBA, and MLB but not Formula One or the World Cup, and why boutiques are better shopping than department stores while avoiding topics of race, religion, and politics because of the fallout with our friends from last weekend's “debate”. Private eyes will then see the night finish with some tender lovemaking followed by some break the bed, multiple orgasms fucking, collapsing into a tender full body cuddle, including knees and toes, with a healthy dose of competitive snoring. I'm the kind of guy who will turn to his woman and tell her to clear her schedule so we can take a long weekend in Paris at this great hotel I know. I don't want to hear practical arguments. I want to see her smile and feel her zest for life. All the same if we go to the park for a hand packed picnic or cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie. I want a woman who can see little real difference between these acts because she understands it's about the effort, no matter how big or small, of wanting to spend quality time with the person you love. But trust me, we’ll go to Paris. To me, a real woman doesn’t show only the best of her. I want to know all of her. I want us to become best friends, confidants who thrive in forthright, candid, honest communication to develop our understanding, trust, and love because a great relationship is something that is made. I know who I am and what I want. Does she know who she is and what she wants? Now does it align? I want a woman who can do a lot, but I’m not asking for anything that I feel I don’t bring to the table myself. So if I can do a lot as a man, why isn't it possible for a female version to exist? I see no reason why to strive for anything less, but in the meantime I accept less because that’s the mistake we all make.